Rick's Revelation
by Iruka Sensei871
Summary: Rick isn't the man he seems to be, and after rescuing Phoenix Person he has to face his past, and come to terms with his feelings for Morty and Summer. Rick/Phoenix Person. Sort of yaoi? I guess? What gender is Phoenix Person anyway? Rated for Rick's language. Lots of language. B...because Rick. Urp.
1. Chapter 1

A portal opened in Rick's garage, and Rick stepped through with one arm around Phoenix Person's waist. He had pulled another of his friend's arms over his own shoulder and was almost carrying the injured alien inside his lab. Phoenix person was unconscious, and Rick struggled with his large friend's weight.

"You need to go on a diet," Rick said as he shifted to move Phoenix Person so he could support him better.

He stumbled and almost dropped his burden as Morty stepped through the portal and bumped into his back, making him pitch forward and stagger.

"Be...urp...be careful, idiot," Rick said. He hauled Phoenix Person to his cot against the wall. He was much larger than Rick, and an arm and leg hung off the cot, trailing onto the floor.

Rick sat on the floor, resting against Phoenix Person and breathing heavily. His vision blurred, more than could be attributed to drunkenness, and he saw spots. He ached all over, having taken a few punches to the body and a burn on his leg from a laser that grazed him.

It was a mistake to slow down. As the adrenaline faded the pain of his wounds fully asserted himself, and he put his hand over the left side of his stomach and groaned.

His lab coat was ruined, but he'd had more lab coats ruined than he could count. Besides the rips from a knife that had torn his skin, cutting into his arm, it had several bloody spots, some his and some belonging to other Rick's that he had killed. Some of the blood was Tammy's. He smiled at the thought. The Council of Ricks should have never tried to gang up on him with the government.

But as he pulled the lab coat open and lifted his shirt he wondered if Tammy had managed to get her revenge after all.

He realized Morty had been howling in fear, as he always did at the least little chance of death.

"Ooooo..."

"Sh...sh...shut up and listen," Rick said. "This is bad. I need you to get your mom. If she can...urp...if she can fix horses she should be able to at least stop the bleeding."

"R...rick! You're injured!" Morty said.

"No shit, Sherlock!" Rick said. "S..stop being useless and get your mom. I don't want to die before I wreck the Council of Ricks for this," he said, pointing toward Phoenix Person. "I could walk away from everything else, but...but not...urp...not this. Not him. Tell her to treat him first."

Morty watched as Rick's eyes rolled back in his head, and his head fell back on Phoenix Person's chest.

"R..rick?" Morty asked. He poked him with a crowbar that was lying nearby, propped against the wall, either for use as a tool or a weapon.

Rick's eyes opened, but he didn't move. "You...you...you can do this. You're the Mortiest Morty, remember?"

His eyes closed again. "I'm cold," he said. "Get my flask."

"No," Morty said. Something in his own voice surprised him. "No. You...you...don't need that." After what he'd done in the Citadel he felt like he could speak like that to Rick.

He put a blanket over Rick. Phoenix Person looked bad, but Morty didn't think he was dying. Rick might be, and Morty didn't see any wound on Phoenix Person.

"I'm in charge now," Morty said. "I can do this."

He stepped out of the garage. "I have to do this," he said. "I'm the Mortiest Morty."

His mother was in the kitchen, half-way through a bottle of cheap red wine. Her expensive shirt had a wide splash of crimson. When he saw the empty bottle lay on the counter Morty swore to himself for the hundredth time that he'd never drink.

"Mom?" Morty asked. "I need your help."

"Of course honey," she said. Her voice slurred, he face was flushed, and her eyes didn't focus. She held the bottle in one hand and a large glass in the other, filling it and spilling almost as much as she got into the bottle.

"You're as bad as R...rick," Morty said.

She waved the bottle toward him in dismissal. "I'll never leave you though."

Deciding she was useless he found his father in the kitchen, playing with the butter bot. He would move butter to one end of the table and watch as the little bot scuttled to cut it, and then he would move it back, giggling at the robot's antics.

"My purpose is to pass butter!" the little bot said. "Let me achieve my purpose!"

"I'm sorry," Jerry said. "Here. Pass the butter."

Since Rick had pushed his mother into kicking his father out Morty had been thinking, a lot, and what he saw just reinforced something he'd suspected lately.

His father was an idiot, and his mother should have never let him come back. The fights between Jerry and Rick had escalated, and Morty wondered how Rick had kept himself from killing him.

It did occur to him that Rick would have continued to tease the robot, but his idiot dad was apologizing to an inanimate object. He felt embarrassed at his father's obliviousness, but more pity than anything else.

Jerry looked up, obviously pleased and relaxed. "What is it son?" he asked, smiling. He opened his arms to give Morty a hug.

"Nothing Dad," Morty said.

 _Rick is going to die because all the adults here are useless_ , Morty realized.

No. I won't let it happen.

His father looked anxious. "Don't you want a hug?" he asked. "You still love me, right?"

Morty let him pull him into a needy, grasping embrace, stepping away as soon as he could without his father's confidence issues kicking in.

His grandfather had hugged him twice, and he remembered both times clearly. Once had been after he told him what King Jellybean had almost done, and the other time was after Bird Person had seemed to die, in the first calm between storms as the family ate quickly before running again.

The first time had been to comfort him, Morty knew, but the second time had been because the jaded man had lost the only person Morty had ever heard him call friend, and he needed comfort.

 _He asked for help today_ , Morty realized with a shock, _and he wanted Phoenix Person healed first. That's not like him._

Summer was gone, or he would have asked her for help. Morty felt chilled as he realized that it was just him. There was no one else to help Rick.

His mother kept a well-stocked medical kit, not as good as Rick's, but he suspected Rick's was probably filled with alien gadgets and medicines he could never understand.

He found a box of fabric bandages and pulled them out. There were metal clasps that he had no idea how to use.

"Oooo..." he wailed, feeling panic rise."I can't do this."

But he pictured Rick bleeding in the garage. Morty had seen a lot of wounds by now, the majority of them inflicted by Rick on his enemies. Rick was bleeding too much. He couldn't imagine life without him, trapped with his family and without his only friend.

 _I can't fail_ , he thought.

He took the bandages, and after a moment of thought he put everything in the medicine cabinet in the basket on the sink, throwing out the magazines his parents kept there, letting them scatter on the floor.

He hauled the basket back to the garage, and sat it down near Rick, who was still unconscious.

"Oooo...Goddammit Rick! You're not supposed to do this! You...you're the one who's supposed to know things, not me."

He sat at Rick's computer and began to Google anything he could think of that might help. "How to give first aid. How to bandage wounds...ect..."

As usual, the letters moved and shifted. _I'm too dumb to do this_ , he thought. He could type and write, but it took forever to read.

He found a site with pictures and studied them, rushing through the illustrations and focusing as hard as he could on the words. He took the things he needed from the basket and set to work.

When Rick woke he was laying on the ground, with his feet elevated and a pillow under his head. Morty lay next to him on the floor, curled up and sleeping.

Rick lifted the blanket. Beth had removed his shirt and bandaged him. _But why did she leave me on the floor_? he wondered.

"M...urp...Morty. Wake up."

Morty woke and rubbed his eyes.

"Is Phoenix Person alive?"

"Yeah," Morty said. "I couldn't f...find any wounds, and his pulse and breathing are str...str...strong. I've seen you do it. I guess I did it right. I don't know what it should be, but it's there."

"How mad is your Mom?" Rick asked. He didn't care about his self-pitying, disgustingly neurotic daughter's feelings, but if she kicked him out he would lose his lab - and Summer and Morty.

"She doesn't kn...know," Morty said. "She was too drunk to help."

"You didn't...urp...you didn't let Jerry touch me?" Rick asked, genuinely horrified.

"No," Morty said. "Dad is an idiot."

A few tears leaked from his eyes. "He's useless too. Everyone here is useless but you and Summer, and she's out of town."

"Then who..?"

"I did it," Morty said. "You're a real aaa...asshole, Rick, but I don't want to lose you."

"Don't lie to me, Morty. You're too dumb to have done this. Who treated me?"

"I did!" Morty yelled. "And I'm not dumb! You're supposed to be the smartest man in the multiverse, but I organized the Mortys for revolt, and I rescued you, old man!"

"You did, didn't you," Rick said. "I wonder how you did that."

"I'm not dumb like my Dad," Morty said. "I'm smart, like Mom. It's not my fault the words move around."

"The words move ar...around...urp." Rick muttered. "Hmm."

"Wh...wh...what?" Morty asked.

"I have an idea," Rick said. "When I can move around I might... never mind."

"What? I hate when you do that."

"Tell you later," Rick said, "if it works."

"Yeah, whatever," Morty said.

Rick carefully lifted the bandage. Morty had stitched the wound shut. It was sloppy, and the scar would make Frankenstein's monster look like a model, but he was surprised Morty had skills.

"How did you know how to do this?" Rick asked. "It's not that complicated, but it's more than I'd expect from you. That's...urp...that's for sure."

Rick tried to sit up and lay back with a groan. "Get me my flask, Morty."

"No."

"What did you say to me, boy?" Rick asked. "Don't come between a man and his v...vodka."

"Get it yourself," Morty said. "I'm tired of watching you and Mom wreck yourself."

Rick reached for his lab coat, which lay on the floor nearby. Morty threw it to the other side of the room.

"Morty, you little sh...sh...shit, bring it here right now. My flask is in there."

Morty left and brought him some water, which he drank with a grimace. "Water should only be used as a chaser...ulp...Morty, and only by wimps. Real men drink their liquor straight."

"Idiot," Morty spat.

"What did you say to me!?" Rick yelled. "How dare you, you obnoxious little brat!"

"If you're so sm...smart then why do you try to kill yourself with the booze?"

"Well aren't you the smart-ass now? I guess your balls finally dropped," Rick sneered. "Seems like you got more intelligent somehow."

"I don't know," Morty said. "I just know that I'm better than you think I am, and m...me and Summer are gonna do better than Mom, Dad, or you. I might not be anywhere near as smart as you, but I'm not going to st...stumble around the universe wrecking things for fun."

"Is that what you think I do?" Rick asked. "I come and rescue you from this suburban hell so you won't end up...urp... end up like your parents, and this is how you thank me? See if I do it again. I'll leave you here to rot."

"You just want me for a shield," Morty said. "How many times have y...you told me that you don't care about me?"

Rick quickly thought of how to turn the situation to his advantage, and it was shocking. The truth would actually work here.

"Morty, people I care about die. You aren't my original Morty, and I meant to use you, but can't you tell things are d...different now?"

"What happened to the other Morty then? Was he even the original, or am I just another one in a line of Morty's?"

"You're the l...last," Rick said. "I raised him as my own after his mother and father died in my dimension. It was just me and him and Summer, and he was my best little bu...buddy."

Rick felt tears, and he cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. "He was dumb, even for a Morty, but he thought he was smart. It got him killed. He got c...cocky, wanted to show me up. He got cocky and did something dumb."

"He was dumb?" Morty asked.

"Really dumb. Way dumber than you, but I loved him. I'm diff...different from the other Ricks. He was different from other Mortys."

"So he was the Mortiest M...Morty. You lied again."

"No. You are," Rick said. "I've never seen another Morty that could fight. You...you're like me, Morty. I don't like it, but you're like a Rick that's dumb as a brick."

"I'm nothing like you," Morty said. "I care about what happens to other people."

"I did once," Rick said, "before the other Morty died. I wanted to f...fix the universe."

"I don't believe you," Morty said. "What about Summer then? Did you r...run off and leave her all alone?"

"She died with Morty, but...you know what? It doesn't matter. I'm tired Morty. Get some blankets so I can sl...sleep and look after Phoenix Person."

"Yeah. Ok. Rick." He got the blanket from Summer's bed and put it over Rick. "Why don't you come sleep in my r...room?" he asked. "You shouldn't stay on a concrete floor."

"I need to be here when Phoenix Person wakes up," Rick said. "I need to m...m...make sure he's ok."

"You care more about him than you do your own family."

"Y...yeah. That's just how it goes, Morty."

After Morty left, Rick took Phoenix Person's wrist and checked his pulse.

"That is not necessary," Phoenix Person said. His formerly deep, rich voice was unrecognizable now, sounding mechanical and forced.

"How long have you b...been awake?" Rick asked.

"Long enough to hear the interaction between you and your grandson. I did not want to eavesdrop, but it seemed preferable to interrupting such an important discussion. I have not heard you talk about Morty's death in years."

"Don't make a b...big thing of it," Rick said. "I need him right now, so I said what he needed to hear. He's just another dumb-ass Morty."

"I am beginning to doubt that, as are you, I suspect."

"Yeah. The kid said something...I gotta follow up on it, but it can w...wait. I can't even get out of bed, and the little shit took my flask."

"I too have cautioned you about the use of alcohol."

Rick mumbled grumpily.

Phoenix Person sat up, looking down at Rick. "You are fortunate to have someone who cares for you as much as Morty. I believed I had found that, but when I saw my beloved Tammy die..."

He stopped and all the light left his eyes.

"She killed you and t...turned you into a cyborg slave," Rick said. "Don't grieve for that b...urp...bitch. She doesn't deserve it."

"And yet she is...was still by beloved Tammy."

"She's a jumble of fried tr...traitor now." Rick said.

"You killed her," Phoenix Person said. "I felt the connection between us break."

"Yeah," Rick said. "The b...bitch is dead."


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Morty came in and found Rick working on something in the garage. He was leaning over the table and trying to fit what looked like a small gear into a...something. Morty had no idea what he was looking at. A lot of Rick's inventions just looked like piles of gears and wires to Morty. Rick put it down and began to put a small amount of a liquid on a microscope slide.

"Where's Phoenix Man?" Morty asked.

"He left earlier," Rick said. "Tammy's death deprogrammed his mind, and...ulp...he said his people gr...rieve alone."

"Is he really grieving for her after what she d...did to him?" Morty asked.

Rick put down the microscopic slide he'd been preparing and took a long look at Morty. "That's almost exactly what I said, except you feel p...pity and I just feel anger. Interesting."

"Don't start telling me how I'm like you again," Morty said. "I'm not a h...heartless bastard."

"Ouch," Rick said. "The dumbass kid said something mean. However will I l...urp...live? Look, I'm not trying to reconnect with my feelings or anything like that, because I know that's what you're thinking. I have a practical...ulllppp... reason for what I'm doing."

"What you're doing?" Morty asked. "It doesn't look like you're doing anything."

"Don't be so much like Jerry," Rick said. "Learn to look around you and see what's going on. I'm about to use a ...microscope, and we're talking about how you're different from other Mortys."

Morty's blank look made him groan in frustration. "You'll understand later. Hold out your arm."

He took a blood sample and put the smallest amount possible on a slide, putting it under the microscope when he finished.

"Wh..wh...why did you do that?" Morty asked.

"I'm comparing your DNA with Jerry's and my own."

"How did you get my dad's blood?" Morty asked. "You d...didn't kill him, did you?"

"Not yet. I just yelled at him until he started crying and l...let me take some blood."

"What are you looking for?"

"I'll explain later."

"You never explain l...later," Morty complained.

Rick ignored him and took a drink from his flask. When Morty sighed, Rick said, "I put some orange juice in there."

"You're drinking j...juice?" Morty asked. "I don't believe you."

Rick took another drink and belched. "I didn't say it was just juice. I was th...thinking about what you said. I'm not saying I was wrong; I'm never wrong, but I might have been...urp...less right than usual, and juice helps hangovers anyway. I don't get hangovers, but just in case."

A portal opened and Phoenix Man stepped through. "The beacon was activated," he said. "I hope it is not another party."

"No," Rick said. "I need you to do something for me. I need you to t...teach Morty how to fight."

"What?" Morty asked.

"You're a scrapper, like me," Rick said to Morty, "but Phoenix P...person was trained, and by the time he's done with you you'll be tough as nails."

"Are you sure this is wise Rick?" Phoenix Person asked. "No Morty has ever done anything like this."

"But he's different," Rick said. "If my theory is correct, and I'm Rick, so i...it will be, then a Morty who can fight, think for himself, and rally even idiot Morty's to act m...might be able to do what we never could."

Rick looked at Morty and grinned. It was the look Morty feared the most, his teeth showimg, and a feral, insane joy in his eyes.

"That One True Morty prophesy is bullshit the Morty's made u...u...up so they could have some hope, but I think we could make it happen, Phoenix Person. We can make the One True M...Morty."

"What would be the goal of this endeavor?" Phoenix Person asked.

Rick laughed louder, and he stood and grabbed Morty by the shoulders. "You're gonna do it, Morty," he yelled. "You're the Mo...Mo...Mortiest Morty and you're gonna do it."

Spit splattered onto Morty as his citrus and alcohol breath hit him. Morty tried to free himself, but the old man was surprisingly strong.

"Morty, you're going to take d...down the government and the c...citadel Morty. You're gonna free whole universes, dimensions even."

"Rick, calm down," Phoenix Man said.

Rick instantly calmed, and Morty wondered at the power Phoenix Man seemed to hold over his volatile grandfather.

"Ok. Go on," Rick said. "I have things to do. I'll have this d...done by tonight, tomorrow night at the latest."

"Go pack the essentials, Morty," Phoenix Person said, "and bring food. Tammy always prepared her own meals, and I don't know what humans eat."

"Don't I get a s...say in this?" Morty asked.

"You can stay here with your parents," Rick said.

"I'll go p...pack. Why aren't you experimenting on Summer or Mom? Why just me and Dad?"

"Your Mother's DNA is fine, mostly. I don't have any of Su...Summer's DNA, but I don't need it."

"Why?"

"Haven't you ever noticed that Summer doesn't look or...urp...act anything like Jerry?" Rick asked.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I don't know whose D...DNA she has...ulp...but I don't think it's Jerry's."

"Don't say that about my mom!" Morty yelled.

"She was young. People do d...dumb things, like deciding Jerry was the father and marrying him. Don't be so judgmental. It's just too bad w...w...whoever it was couldn't have been your father too. Would have made my work a lot easier."

"Gee. Thanks," Morty grumbled. "W...what are you going to do with my DNA then?"

Rick grinned again. "I'm going to science the dumb right out of you, Morty."


	3. Chapter 3

While Morty was packing, Phoenix Person asked Rick, "He does not seem very smart. I've know that he lead others once, but they were very easily lead."

"Yeah, the dumb people follow him. The Morty's, those tree l...loving idiots that he was living with for awhile when my battery…never mind. I think he might not be as dumb as he looks. I think he's dyslexic. If he never l...l...learned to read easily, well he would seem dumb, wouldn't he?"

"That is a reasonable assumption," Phoenix Person said. "I will teach him the ways of my people, how to fight with honor and live with dignity."

"I'll be happy if he just...urp...just learns to fight," Rick said.

Morty came into the garage and tripped, spilling clothes and food everywhere.

"So much for dignity," Rick said.

Phoenix Person opened a portal with the gun Rick had made for him. "I will bring him back tonight."

When they came back 8 hours later Morty was scratched and bleeding in several places, but he was still energetic. "Can we train tomorrow too?" he asked. "I want to use all those cool w...w...weapons you showed me."

"You must earn the right to use them."

Morty saw something that made him gasp and point.

"Look!" he said, pointing toward the feet sticking out from behind the work bench. Rick lay unconscious, and Phoenix Man checked his pulse.

"He is alive."

Rick blinked. "Wubba lubba dub dub...uhhh," he groaned.

"I know," Phoenix Person said. "I will attempt to alleviate your pain."

"I overdid it this t...time" Rick said. "Shouldn't have been on my feet for so long after getting injured."

Rick tried to use the table to steady himself as he stood, but he collapsed against Phoenix Person. The cyborg lifted Rick as easily as if he was a child, and he laid Rick on his cot.

"I think you should stay here. I should procure sustenance."

"I'll do that," Morty said. "D...Dad doesn't like Rick's friends here."

Rick raised a middle finger. "Peace among worlds to your Dad, Morty."

They heard glass breaking, and Beth yelling. "Say it one more time! I dare you!"

"You're just a horse surgeon, not a real one!" Jerry yelled in the kitchen. Several other glass things broke.

"Oh jeez," Morty said. "We're gonna have to replace all the pl...plates again."

"Is this a common occurrence?" Phoenix Person asked.

Morty shrugged. "Summer and I just stay out of the way, especially w...w...when they start throwing things. I learned that the hard way."

Morty pointed to a scar along the side of his neck.

"There is violence in this home," Phoenix Person said. "Why do you let this continue, Rick?"

"I didn't know about the s...scar," Rick said. "I just assumed he got it being clumsy. I can't do anything about those two. It's their house. Morty, w...when did this happen?"

"Oh, years ago," Morty said.

"Have they hurt you at any other time?" Phoenix Person asked.

"Not on purpose. S...sometimes when they fight they get weird."

"This is unacceptable," Phoenix Man said.

"I have an idea that might help," Rick said.

"Morty should not be in such an environment," Phoenix Person said.

"What do you want to do, t...take him to your n...nest?"

"Hey!" Morty said. "Don't talk like that. I don't want to m...move out. I mean, I know they're awful sometimes, but I love them."

A scream of pain, high pitched and definitely from Jerry, sounded from the kitchen.

Phoenix Person's feathers stood on end on his head, giving him an even more frightening, intense look than usual.

"That's new," Rick said.

Phoenix Person started for the door, but Rick stopped him. "Let me go out there," he said. "I might need to...ulp...help B...Beth hide a body."

"Ooooo...: Morty wailed.

"Oh, shut up," Rick snapped. He stood with Morty's help and managed to stay upright. He weaved unsteadily, but he did that whenever he was drunk, so it wouldn't draw attention.

"You stay here, Morty," Rick said.

Morty howled in fear again, and Phoenix Person put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly.

"You are not alone, Morty. Whatever happened, Rick and I will keep you safe."

Rick found Beth and Jerry sitting at the kitchen table. The kitchen was wrecked, with bits of porcelain, bottles, and glasses everywhere.

Beth was tending to a large cut on Jerry's head. Red wine and blood were mixed and covered his neck and shirt.

"I'm so sorry," Beth said. She cleaned the wound and put a bandage over it. "It was an accident. I love you Jerry."

"I love you too, Beth," Jerry said with a sickeningly sweet smile.

"Hey lovebirds," Rick said. "You two disgust me...urrrppp... I just wanted you to know that."

"Daddy?" Beth asked. "Don't say that." Tears welled in her eyes.

"Sorry Sweety, but it was time you heard it. I have th...things to do. I just wanted to know if you killed Jerry or not."

He turned and went back to the garage, slamming the door behind him. He sat down on his cot heavily and put his head in his hands.

"Is Dad ok?" Morty asked.

"No," Rick said. "You're m...mother hit him on the head with a wine bottle. He'll live. Go to bed, Morty. I'll ta...take care of this tomorrow."

"You aren't well, Phoenix Person said.

"So I'll take something to keep me up," Rick said.

Morty left, avoiding looking in the kitchen as he passed. He showered and lay in bed, feeling sore from training, but feeling much worse inside. His parents' voices rose again, and he pulled the pillow over his head to block them out. He could still hear them, but at least he didn't have to know what they were yelling.

Morty cried himself to sleep.

Phoenix Man was trying to talk Rick out of his plans, but Rick took a package of blue powder from a drawer, held one nostril, and snorted it up the other.

"Whew!" he said. "I feel g...urp...good as new."

"Your health is a concern to me," Phoenix Person said.

"It isn't to me. You should try some of this. It's good stuff."

Phoenix Person shook his head. "You are only tricking your body, Rick. You lost blood, and you haven't allowed yourself to recover. What happens when that wears off?"

"I'll take some more," Rick said. "I have to take care of this. I've never seen them a...act like that. I never thought Beth would be violent, and I wish I could take the kids...urp...and leave. I can't, because I don't have anywhere to take them, but I would if I had a pl...place."

"And you would abandon your daughter?" Phoenix Person asked.

"She isn't my daughter. She's another dimension's B...Beth, some other Rick's problem, a Rick that's e...either long dead or just gone."

"If you kidnap the boy he will have more problems," Phoenix Person said.

"I have a better plan." He pulled out his portal gun and set in some coordinates. "I'll be b...back. Go home, and I'll send Morty your way t...tomorrow."

He went to Morty's room, walking in unannounced as usual. He saw Morty lying with the pillow over his head, trying to drown out the ongoing fight. He heard muffled sobs from underneath the pillow, and Morty's little body shook.

Rick felt something he hadn't felt in years, not since his original Morty died. He sat on the bed and put a hand on Morty's shoulder. Morty pulled the pillow off and sniffled. His swollen wet eyes pulled at Rick's heart.

 _Get it together_ , Rick thought _. He's always getting hurt. Don't let this get to you. He's a Morty. Pain is what they do._

He took a long drink of vodka, and as the familiar buzz settled in his mind, the uncomfortable feeling were numbed.

"I wanted to go get some ice cr...cream," Rick lied. "Get up and w...w...wash your face. Ice cream is no fun alone."

"Nothing is open this late," Morty said.

"Not in this di...ulp...dimension," Rick said.

"You're lying," Morty said. "You don't do things like have fun, unless it's with U...Unity, or wrecking something."

"Like you know," Rick said. He belched loudly.

He drew the portal gun and shot out a portal. "It will be b...better tomorrow." He stepped through the portal.

Morty didn't care. The one thing Rick couldn't fix was his family.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Rick was waiting in the kitchen when Beth and Jerry came in to breakfast. They managed to pretend like nothing had happened even in the midst of the wreckage. Rick leaned against the kitchen counter sipping coffee and watching them. His hand tightened around the cup as he fumed silently.

Morty passed by, and when Beth called him to breakfast he said, "I'm late. Gotta g...get to school."

Rick frowned. Neither of his parents noticed that Morty wasn't carrying a backpack. What else did they not notice? It was Spring Break even.

He waited until breakfast was over before he made his move.

"I need to go to the store J...Jerry. Get your keys."

"I'm not your chauffer," Jerry said.

"Oh, just do it!" Beth said.

"Fine," Jerry grumbled.

As they got in the car, Jerry asked, "which store?"

Rick sat down and pulled his pistol, holding it low in his lap so that Jerry could see it, but other drivers couldn't.

"We're not going to the store," he said. "We're going to t...ulp...going to take a little trip Jerry."

"You wouldn't," Jerry said.

"Happily," Rick said, "but I don't w...w...want to do that to Morty and Summer unless you force me to. For some reason they love your…ulp…shitty ass."

He gave Jerry directions and they drove to an apartment complex. It was more of a motel than apartments, but it would work for what Rick wanted. Rick got out and took the keys. Glass crunched underfoot from one of the numerous broken bottles that littered the broken parking lot. The stench of urine drifted to him across the lot. _This is what Jerry deserves,_ he thought.

It had definitely seen better days, and Rick thought that 30 or 40 years ago it might have actually been trendy. The only attraction now was the liquor store across the street.

"Stay here," Rick said. "I can f...find you if you run."

He looked at his son-in-law's idiot face. "You're too dumb to do what I tell you." Rick fumbled around in his lab coat pockets and pulled out a pair of handcuffs edged with purple velvet - Unity's favorite, and he handcuffed Jerry's wrist to the steering wheel, ignoring his protests.

Jerry waited impatiently until Rick came out and uncuffed him. He was holding paperwork, and he took Jerry to an apartment and opened the door. The apartment was empty. It smelled vaguely of stale cigarette smoke, and the stained carpet and faded wallpaper only added to the aura of poverty.

"Are you going to kill me here?" Jerry asked.

"If I was going to kill you I w...w...would have done it already. Just stay put."

Rick made a portal, but he didn't step through. Instead he put his head through and then pulled it back out. Doofus Rick and his Morty came out.

"Rick!" Jerry said, hugging his friend. "Morty! Hi little buddy!"

"Those are your new roommates. Th...this is your new home. I paid the deposit and a year's rent. I'll arrange for you to g...get your stuff when the family is go...ulp...gone. If you ever come back to the house after that or b...bother my family again, I'll kill you."

"Wait, you paid for a year?" Jerry asked. "If you have that kind of money why are you sleeping on a cot in my garage?"

"I have connections. Money isn't hard to come by if you're willing to sell the right things to the wrong p...people. I have my...urrrppp...own reasons for staying at Beth's house."

He left Jerry, and he felt good to finally be rid of him. Hopefully, Doofus Rick would keep Jerry occupied and out of his hair. Maybe they could eat shit together

When he got home Beth was just leaving. Rick stepped out of a cab.

"Where's Jerry?" Beth asked.

"Jerry is gone, for good this time. Have a nice day, Beth. You c...can come home to a peaceful h...house now."

She spluttered something, but Rick didn't stay to hear her shocked questions. She left for work, and Rick thought that even if she wasn't his daughter, she definitely had Rick genes. Her work came first.

"Good girl," he muttered. "Just like your dear old fu...fucked up Dad."

He had just made it back to the garage when Morty got home. He found Morty sitting in the living room with a book. It was large, with a bright red cover and inlaid gold leaf illustration of a temple on a hillside. It looked familiar.

Morty scowled in concentration, and his lips moved silently as he read. He put the book down and sighed. "I'm way too dumb for this."

"No you're not," Rick said, getting his attention. "I'd say good job...ulp...fooling your parents earlier, but the bar is set kind of low there. If you need to pull that again, take your backpack. Your M...Mom is self-obsessed, but she isn't dumb. You got lucky."

"No. Dad's the dumb one. It's never h...hard to trick him."

"That isn't something you need to worry about again," Rick said. "Jerry is gone for good."

"You did kill him," Morty said. Tears welled in his eyes. "Poor, d...dumb Dad."

"No. I just got h...him out of here. I don't understand how you can l...love that man."

"Well, he's my Dad," Morty said.

"And that's enough for...urp...you, isn't it?" Rick asked. "You can fight and feel. That's going to hurt later, but you'll have to fi...ulp...figure it out for yourself."

Morty wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. He had been looking at the book, running his finger over the gold pattern, and when he looked up at Rick he said, "Rick. Did you ever sleep? You l...look bad."

Rick waved a hand dismissively. "I'll sleep later. I have work to do. Come on. I m...made you something that's going to help you. It will make the words stop...ulp... stop moving so you can read, and I'm going to remove a few b...b...barriers to your progress."

"You never cared about my p...progress before," Morty said.

"I never heard you defend me to your parents like you did on T...Tiny Planet," Rick said. "You and me and Summer, Morty. When she gets back I'm going to take her with us more often. We'll be the th...three amigos, Morty!"

"Rick, we can do stuff later. You look really b...bad."

"Well, I feel gooood," Rick said. His body still hummed with energy. "I feel too good to be...urp...standing around talking like this. Let's go somewhere, Morty."

"No. You look like a c...corpse. I'm not doing anything with you until you sleep."

"Well, aren't you the little bossy shit now," Rick said. "Don't get c...ckeeky Morty. It will get...ulp...get you killed again. I can't do that a second time. You n...need to outlive me, Morty."

Morty pointed to the mirror over the hall table. "Look at yourself!" he said.

Rick grimaced at what he saw. His skin was pasty and grey, and the bags under his eyes were so pronounced it looked like he'd used emo makeup under them. His hair was strewn everywhere, and his pupils were actually shaking in his eyes.

"Wandering pupils," he muttered. "I need some more crystal powder."

"No!" Morty said. "Stop with the dr...drugs! I'm tired of watching you kill yourself."

Rick laughed at the sight in the mirror. "I look like Z...zombie Rick. Ok. I'll sleep after I get you set up."

He had Morty lay on the table, and he practically jumped around the lab. "This is gonna be...ulp...gonna be great Morty. You'll understand some of what I tell you, at least. You might even end up as a g...genius if it works."

He took a needle and gave Morty an injection. "I don't know how long it will take. It might hurt a lot, or not. I d...don't know."

"You don't know?" Morty asked. "W...w...what did you do?"

"I programmed some nanobots to scrub...urp...to scrub your DNA. They're going to replace the idiot Jerry DNA with better DNA."

"You can't do that!" Morty said. "I w...won't be me anymore."

"Relax," Rick said. "They're just going to deal with very specific amino acids, things having to do with intelligence - mostly, and a few other things. I can...ulp...do more later if you need me to. It takes time to program them."

"That's great R...Rick," Morty spat, scowling at him. "Real great! You should have told me!"

"You'll thank me when I'm done," Rick said. "I don't think this is going to take...ulp...take long, so just lay there until they finish while I..."

Rick leaned on the table to steady himself. His body shook, and his legs felt like rubber under him.

"Rick, what's wrong?"

"Need more crystal powder," Rick said. "It comes on strong and leaves fast. I've never done it after being injured."

He watched as Morty blurred, and he began to see two of him. "Oh. That's not good," he said, and then he passed out. The last thing he heard was Morty yelling his name, and then the annoying howl of fear that he always let loose.

He woke on the floor again, and Morty had tried to make him comfortable, covering him with a blanket and putting a pillow under his head. He had elevated his feet and put a cold, wet rag on his forehead.

His mouth felt like it had cotton balls in it, but that was just the crystal powder hangover. His sinus cavity felt like it was on fire.

Morty sat next to him on the floor, reading the book.

"I guess...," Rick started. He was surprised at how weak his voice sounded. He coughed.

"Need some w...water."

Morty brought it to hum, but he had to put his hand behind Rick's back and help him sit up enough to drink.

"You've been asleep for hours," Morty said. "I looked up that p...powder online. It's some bad stuff Rick."

"Yeah. Tell me you used my computer and not the one in the kitchen? Running a search for that p...powder could tip off the authorities that there's alien...urp...alien activity here, and my computer is rigged to avoid detection."

"I used yours. You ought to close t...tabs when you're done with them. Gross, Rick."

"Oh like you've never wondered what ten...tentacles could do," Rick said.

Morty laid him down gently, with a worried look that surprised Rick. _The little shit really does care about me._

He knew. It just came as a shock every time he realized again.

"You should get off the cold floor," Morty said. He helped Rick to his cot. "If you try to get up again I'll...I'll do...something!"

Rick felt every muscle in his body ache. "I think I'll stay here and rest. Not...not because you told me to, you little turd! Because I want to."

"Is it ok if I stick around?" Morty asked.

"No," Rick said. "Go r...read your book somewhere else so I can sleep. I guess you can read n...now?"

"The words stopped moving!" Morty said. "Phoenix Person leant me this. It's about Bushido, and its awe...awesome. He said he can't train me for a couple of days, so I'm reading it."

"Uggghh," Rick groaned. "Not that book. I gave it to him when we were younger, as a joke, because he reminds me of a S...Samurai. He took it seriously. That book is for the kind of people who die young saving a puppy from a burning...urp...building."

"Rick, I like you," Morty said, "but I don't want to be like you. Phoenix Sensei is st...trong, but he's honorable and cares about people. I want to be like Phoenix S...sensei."

"Sensei? Oh great. You're about to go through that annoying n...ninja wanna be phase that boys hit."

"I don't w...want to be a ninja," Morty said. "I w...want to make a difference, Rick. I don't know how, but I'm going to do it, and Bushido is for Samurai, not ninjas."

Morty's eyes blazed.

"I guess that serum worked after all," Rock said. "You had some serious self-confidence issues that the nan...na...nanobots were program to work on, but you're...urp...getting cocky."

"I'm not," Morty said. "I'm st...starting to realize who I am, and who you are."

"What does that mean?" Rick asked suspiciously.

Morty smiled, a charming, childish smile. "It means go to sleep Abuelo. I think you need someone to take c...care of you. Let me do that until you're well."

"Morty, I don't need..."

"I won't tell anyone, and you can tr...trust me."

"I'm not an invalid," Rick said.

"I know. But I also r...realized that you've been so angry because you're afraid."

"I'm not afraid of anything, you little sh...shit! Who do you think you...ulp... are? Why don't you get some robes and sit on the floor until you levitate, you p...p...pompous, arrogant little..."

He fell into a coughing fit, and he lay exhausted and panting on his side, trying to get his breath back.

Morty reached toward him as if to comfort him, but Rick actually snarled. "I don't need some snot n...ulp...nosed kid taking care of me. I've been taking care of myself since my father kicked me out of the house w...w...when I was 15. I'm old, but I'm not decrepit."

He coughed again, and Morty helped him drink some water.

"I'm sorry," Morty said. "I'm new at this w...whole being smart thing. Maybe I should keep some of what I know in my head."

"Yeah. Don't ever...ulp... try to analyze me like that. You don't kn...now me."

"Ok, Abuelo."

"Don't call me that," Rick muttered. "Makes me feel old."

He closed his eyes, and Morty left quietly.

When Rick woke his stomach rumbled. He looked up at the table, where he had tossed a half full bag of chips a couple of days ago so he could eat while he worked. The crystal powder had killed his appetite, and he felt ravenous.

He couldn't even sit up. "Fuck."

He had to wait for Morty to come back, an hour later.

"Do you feel b...better?" Morty asked.

"Not really," Rick said. "Get my p...portal gun for me, and that bag of...urp...chips on the table. I'd do it myself, but I feel lazy today."

Morty rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Rick."

Rick set in the coordinates and made a portal. "Get Phoenix Person for me."

After Morty left, Rick propped himself up on an elbow and ate the half-full bag of chips, feeling irritated at how hungry he still felt, and for some reason at Morty.


	5. Chapter 5

Phoenix Person returned with Morty to find Rick sleeping so soundly he didn't wake when he put his hand over his forehead. His massive hand dwarfed Rick's forehead.

"He has a fever," Phoenix Person said. "Bring me a cold damp rag and some aspirin." His voice had gone from the grating robotic voice to his regular, soothing monotone, and Morty wondered if whoever had done it would fix the rest of him.

He turned Rick on his side. "Never let him sleep on his back, or he could drown in his own vomit."

Morty watched as Phoenix Person wiped Rick's brow tenderly. "I will take him to my nest and care for him. You did well to come to me. He doesn't like needing help."

"You can say that again. Is h…he is going to be ok?"

"I am unsure. I have warned him of the dangers of Crystal Powder before. It's one of the reasons we ended our mating season."

"You mean you and Rick…?"

"I've helped him through this twice, but it's never been this bad. We decided to end our co-habitation after an argument about it."

"But you and Rick were m…mates?" Morty asked.

"Yes. It was challenging, because he does not have a cloaca, and I was unaccustomed to human physiology at the time, but I learned how to…"

"Stop!" Morty said. "I don't w…want to hear that!"

Rick tossed and groaned. "Wubba lubba dub…"

"I know," Phoenix Person said. "No one knows as well as I."

He lifted Rick in his arms, Rick's thin frame dwarfed by his huge friend. "If I think he will die I will come get you so you can help him move on to his next life."

"But that's…that's not gonna happen, right?"

"I will do everything in my power to prevent it. But you have seen enough of the harshness of life that you cannot hide from reality. Grieve afterward, if he dies, but embrace the moments you still have with him."

"I w…want to go with you," Morty said. "I can help."

"What of your parents?"

"Dad's gone, and if I tell Mom I'm not h…hungry she won't notice I'm gone until tomorrow morning."

Phoenix Person's biological eye narrowed. "I see. I begin to understand your connection with Rick more completely. You may come with me. Rick tends to eat whatever is around him when he's hungry, but I don't know if that's good or not. You can prepare his food, but stay away from him unless he asks for you. He's a very private individual."

Phoenix Person's hands were full, so Morty opened a portal for them.

"When did you learn that? _How_ did you learn that? Such technology is far beyond a Morty."

"Not this Morty. I'm not _a_ Morty. I'm _the_ Morty, r…remember?"

"I see your grandfather in your spirit," Phoenix Person said.

When they reached the nest Morty watched helplessly as Phoenix Person put Rick in his bed and began to undress him. Morty was ashamed of himself for spying, but he was fascinated by seeing such a large, powerful person being so gentle with his grandfather. It was like watching a tiger caring for a house cat, if the house cat was still somehow one of the deadliest creatures in existence.

Morty looked away when Phoenix Person pulled Rick's boxers off, looking up only after he thought enough time had passed to avoid scarring his mind that much more.

Phoenix Person had put a pair of his own boxers on Rick, dwarfing the much smaller man. He wiped Rick's brow and put a wet rag on his chest.

Rick opened his eyes slightly, mumbled, and tried to sit up.

Phoenix Person put his hand on Rick's chest, pushing him back onto the bed.

"Stay down Rick. You are ill."

"They're here," Rick said weakly. "G…gotta get the civilians out."

"No enemies are here," Phoenix Person said. "That was a battle long ago. You are having a fever dream."

Rick's head abruptly fell to the side and lay still. After checking his pulse, Phoenix Person took the bowl and cup and left the room, causing Morty to quickly move to a chair to avoid being caught peeking.

Phoenix Person refilled the bowl and cup. "He is still alive, but that is the only news for the moment."

Phoenix Person's nest was simple and rustic in the extreme, and Morty watched through the crack between the wall and the ill fitting door.

Rick was awake, and Phoenix Person nuzzled his neck with his large nose.

"Having you back in my bed brings back good memories," Phoenix Person said. He cooed softly, like a dove and kissed Rick on the forehead.

"You're the one who d…decided we should end it," Rick said. "And w…what about Tammy?"

"You were right about her. She was only using me, and it is foolish to allow her to affect me."

He kissed Rick on the lips, and Morty watched, spellbound. It wasn't the frantic physical smashing he'd had with Gwendolyn, or the cold, quick pecks on the cheeks that his parents gave each other when they weren't angry. Phoenix Person kissed him slowly, and Morty saw his tongue slip into Rick's mouth.

Rick returned the kiss, putting his arm over Phoenix Person's back and pulling him closer.

"Why must you hurt yourself like this?" Phoenix Person asked.

"It's in my n…nature," Rick said. "If I'm sober I remember things."

Phoenix Person sighed. "No other Rick does this to himself that I know of."

"I think I'm the only Rick to ever c…care for a Morty, besides that useless Doofus Rick, and now I've cared for two of them. I still dream about his little man…ulp…mangled body lying there, and Summer's hand. I only found her hand. I passed out before I could even go through the wr…wreckage. I can't be sober. I can't keep remembering that."

Phoenix Person lifted him into his lap and held Rick, with his head pressed against his chest.

"How do you do it?" Rick asked. "How do you keep l…loving people when they all die or b…betray us sooner or later?"

"It's in my nature," Phoenix Person said.

Morty saw something he never thought he'd see in his entire life. Rick began to cry, sobbing into Phoenix Person's chest.

Phoenix Person held him for several minutes until Rick stopped crying. He nuzzled in Rick's hair with his nose as if he was grooming another one of his own species.

"Emotionality is a side effect of Crystal Powder withdrawal," he said.

"I'm throwing it out when I get home," Rick said. "That's the w…worst come down I've ever had. I'll stick to less powerful drugs. I still feel so w…weak. I couldn't fend off an enemy."

Phoenix Person cooed and kissed Rick on top of his head. "It's ok. I will keep you safe until you are strong again."

"I know," Rick said. "I…I would be sober…urp…sober for you if I knew how."

Phoenix Person lay him on the bed and kissed him deeply, compassionately, and Morty turned away when the saw the obvious bulge in Phoenix Person's pants.

 _Gross,_ he thought.

"We can talk more when you wake," Phoenix Person said.

Morty scrambled back into the kitchen, and Phoenix Person began pulling things from a cabinet. He gave Morty some dried herbs.

"Crush those into a powder," he said. "I don't know much about human food, but I've treated Rick's injuries enough to know what medicines might help."

He began mixing a dark liquid with water, and he added the foul smelling powder Morty made.

"This will help the symptoms, but I don't know how long it will take for him to recover, probably a few days at least."

"I have to go home for breakfast in the morning and pr…pretend to go to school, but I won't be missed."

"A boy should be missed by his parents," Phoenix Person said. "While you are here I will tend to you as if you were my fledgling."

"That doesn't mean I have to eat w…worms, does it?" Morty asked.

"Do you like worms? I have some good ones."

"No," Morty said. "I don't eat worms. I w…w…was just wondering."

"It is a serious statement I made, Morty. I would protect my fledgling with my very life."

"Gee. I didn't think anyone d…did that anymore."

"I expect you to treat me differently than you do your parents," Phoenix Person said. "No sneaking is necessary. I offer you guidance, but I won't force you to follow my own path."

"Do you love Rick?" Morty blurted.

"How do you define love?" Phoenix Person asked.

"I don't know. My p…parents say they love each other, but you saw what came of that. Rick says love is just a b…biological construct to trick humans into having children so the species continues, but Summer isn't my real sister, and I love her. I love Rick too. He's an asshole, but he's the only f…friend I have."

"I don't know if our species experience love the same way," Phoenix Person said. "We have mating seasons, which can last anywhere from a few months to a lifetime. Afterwards we retain all the fondness we had for our mate. I am very fond of Rick. He occupies a central spot in my heart and thoughts. I feel pain when he hurts himself."

"That sounds like love, I guess," Morty said.

Phoenix Person picked the book up from the table. "I see you have been reading. Tell me what you've learned about Bushido."

They talked for hours, moving from Bushido to philosophy of life, to the traumatic experiences Morty had on his adventures, to his family, and finally to Morty's confusion about his place in the universe.

Phoenix Person simply listened, sipping tea that tasted almost like Earth tea, so Morty drank with him. His inscrutable eyes simply took in what was before him.

When Morty finally stopped talking, Phoenix Person said, "you have had an eventful life. It is sad to see one so young in so much pain, but such is the universe. You have actually fared better than any Mortys that I've known of."

"But my Rick cares about me," Morty said. "Why c…can't any of the other Ricks care about their Mortys?"

"Ricks hate themselves, so they hate Mortys. They need them as shields, but they resent the bond. Ricks resent all bonds."

"But why is my Rick different?"

"In an infinite universe there are infinite outcomes. A Rick – I don't know which one – discovered this, and soon they were all over the universe like a plague. As much as our Rick hates them, the Council of Ricks served a purpose when it was created. They controlled the damage cause by other Ricks. Your Grandfather opposed it from the beginning. He said it would end in cruelty and domination, and he was right."

"But w…what does that have to do with me?"

"In an infinite number of universes everything will happen. There are no absolute constants, but there are measurable variables."

He took a piece of paper and drew a line with a hump in the middle. He circled the hump. "The most likely things to occur in the most universes are here. Almost all have planets, and life, and water. There are many other basic things that are spread throughout the universe. Most of them have Ricks and Mortys - at least the ones I've been to."

"The space to the left and right are where the unlikely things happen, and the more unlikely they are, the fewer universes they will be in. It's called deviation from the norm."

"All Ricks are mean to their Mortys. That's in here," Phoenix Person said, tapping the hump. But on the right we have those Ricks that exceed the average cruelty. The one you said had the Mortys strapped to his lair so he could torture them is out here," he said, pointing to the far right of the paper.

"Your Rick is here," Phoenix Person said, pointing to the far left of the page. "He is the least cruel to his Morty, except for the one they call Doofus Rick. He deviates so far from the norm that the chance of there being a person like him is very small."

"If I am not mistaken you are deviant from the average Morty," Phoenix Person said.

"Rick said I'm the Mortiest Morty, and he's the Rickest Rick."

"After you killed the Rick on the other end of the spectrum, Rick became almost the furthest outlier on the scale, so that is an accurate assessment."

"You have a Morty on the other end of the scale, but he would have to be the dumbest, most unlucky and placid Morty in existence. It is unlikely that he survived the first instance of Rick interacting with him."

"Then it really is up to me to take down the R…Ricks."

"You understood all that?" Phoenix Person said.

"It seems s…simple enough," Morty said.

"It isn't complicated," Phoenix Person said, "but I've seen Mortys that could barely add numbers. You have changed a great deal. What did Rick do to you?"

Before Morty could answer they heard a cough from the next room. Phoenix Person went to Rick, leaving Morty to his own devices, which by this time included spying.

Rick was sitting on the side of the bed, drinking the last of the water.

"Your color has returned," Phoenix Person said. He put his hand against Rick's forehead. "Your fever has broken. If this is like the other times, you are out of danger."

"That's right! Ricks' back mother fuckers!"

"It would be unwise to push your body," Phoenix Person said.

"I am h…hungry as hell," Rick said. "What do you have around here that isn't made out of gravel?"

"Morty came to help with that," Phoenix Person said.

"The aftereffects of that drug are s…something else," Rick said. "All of my appetites are…upr…insane."

He put his hand on Phoenix Person's crotch. "I mean all of them."

Morty turned away, rolling his eyes. After watching how crazy Rick got on Unity's planet he wasn't shocked. He just didn't want the watch the two of them going at it.

 _Gross,_ he thought.

He could still hear them.

"Don't start what we can't finish," Phoenix Person said. "You are not strong enough for love making. I have accidentally hurt you many times in the past when I forgot the differences in our size and strength. I am too vigorous for your current state."

Rick laughed. "Good times. I'll be f…fine, and then I want you to do what you used to."

"That can be arranged."

Morty had brought canned goods, and Rick pulled the top off a can of ravioli, and he ate it cold, so fast that Morty wondered if he even tasted it. He ate another can and drank half a gallon of water.

"Gee, Rick. You got w…well fast," Morty said.

"It isn't over yet," Rick said. "I'll have to deal with the hallucinations as the last of it leaves my system."

"Why would you use that drug?" Morty asked.

Rick grinned. "I like…urp…like the hallucinations. That's the best part."

Phoenix Person cleared his throat.

"But this is the last time, I swear. Nothing stronger than pain k…killers from now on, maybe some Ecstasy now and then. And some pot, but pot doesn't count. Maybe some…ulp…some Ambien every once in a while. A few experimental dr…drugs. But no more Crystal Powder."

Rick yawned. "I think it's time for bed. Morty, get my gun and I'll s…send you home."

"I can do it," Morty said. He input the coordinates and set the controls, creating a portal and giving the gun back to Rick.

"I guess the serum really worked," Rick said.

"Yeah. Hey Rick, I'm awful glad you're the Rickest R…Rick." Morty stepped through the portal.

"What did you do to him?" Phoenix Person asked.

"I just tweaked him a bit. Got rid of some of Jerry's genes and had some n…nanobots rebuild them after a pattern of my own…urp…DNA. Nothing too much. Mostly genes dealing with intelligence, anxiety, that sort of thing."

"And now you mean to make him a warrior?"

"W…what else is he going to do with his life? Work in a convenience store?"

Rick reached for the water jug at the same time as Phoenix Person, and their hands met. They locked eyes. "I am feeling better," Rick said.

Phoenix Person cooed and looked into his eyes. "I never stopped thinking of you as one of my mates. You are just one I cannot co-habitate with. Having you back in my bed was stimulating."

"Well, talking isn't getting us any closer to the bedroom," Rick said.

Phoenix Person followed him, glad to have his mate back in his nest.

A few minutes later, Morty came back. He retrieved his book from the kitchen table when he heard Rick say, "I sure have missed that cloaca."

Morty heard a soft cooing sound and the rustle of feathers.

"Ow," Rick said. He chuckled. "Yeah. That's good."

Morty hurried through the portal with the handmade portal gun he'd created. He opened the book on Bushido, trying to get the mental picture of his grandfather and Phoenix Person doing…whatever a person does with a cloaca.


	6. Chapter 6

Rick lay in Phoenix Person's bed, staring at the ceiling. He knew he was hallucinating, and that was the worst part. He knew what would happen, but he couldn't do anything about it. It all happened so long ago, but it was as if he was watching the worst day of his life play out before him.

"Come on M…Morty. We need to go!" Rick said loudly. "I found a dimension where people evolved from giraffes on their version of Earth. You gotta see it. Summer is g…getting ready."

Morty jumped up, and in his excitement he managed to put both legs in the same leg of his blue pants and topple over.

"Come on!" Rick said. "This is the b…best thing ever."

He ran down the stairs with Morty following close behind.

"W…w…we need to hurry," Rick said. "There are only a couple of hours of daylight left, and I've been looking for a c…cool place to take you for your birthday."

"But that's tomorrow," Morty said.

"I know. It's an early pr…present. I have a surprise there. The people are real nice. You'll love it. Get your coats. It's c…cold out."

They got into his spacecraft and sped away. When they reached the right coordinates Rick stopped.

"There's n…nothing here," Morty said. "Just space."

"We're not in the right dimension yet," Rick said. He pressed a button and a larger sized portal gun came out of the ship. It shot a glowing blue hole that hung in empty space. It was just big enough for the ship to pass through.

A planet spread below them, and they saw the continents, lush and green. Morty stuck his face to the window. "Whoa. How did you d…do that Grandpa?"

Rick's cheer faltered. "We use portals together at least three times a w…week, Morty," he said. "I have to explain it to you every time."

"He can't remember cause he's dumb," Summer said, sticking her tongue out at Morty.

In his original dimension she was only 2 years older than Morty, and Rick was used to bickering between them.

"I'm not d…dumb!" Morty said. "Am I, Grandpa?"

Rick hesitated. He'd dreaded this question. "You're my b…best little buddy," he said. "That's all that matters, right?"

"You think I'm dumb?" Morty asked with tears in his eyes. "You s…said I'm just devel…devel…growing slower than the other kids."

"You are," Rick said. "The slow ones grow up to be the smartest. You'll s…see." He decided to deal with the consequences of the lie when Morty got older.

"Summer, quit teasing your brother."

He flew low, fitting in with the flow of traffic. He had decided to take them to an outdoor music festival, so they could soak up some local culture and see a lot of aliens.

"Oh," Summer said pointing out of the window at people far below. "I see some giraffe people!"

Rick looked over at her. She was smiling and wearing her new red dress, her pigtails flopping around. "You kids are the best thing th…that ever happened to me. Happy early birthday, Morty."

"Thanks, Grandpa."

His voice sounded flat, and Rick looked back in the mirror. Morty looked miserable.

"W…what's wrong?" Rick asked.

"I am dumb, aren't I?" Morty asked.

"Of course not," Rick said. "Summer, you've had the fr…front seat for long enough. Let Morty come up here."

The children scrambled to change seats and buckle their belts.

"Prove it," Morty said. "Pr…prove I'm not dumb."

"I can't really do that," Rick said. "Some people have normal intelligence, but some h…h…have higher emotional intelligence. Some are artistic." He hoped Morty bought the bullshit he was spouting.

"Huh?" Morty asked.

 _And some kids are just dumb as bricks,_ he thought.

"Hey look," Rick said. "You can see the gir…giraffe people."

"You said I could fly the ship when I was 10," Morty said.

 _Oh shit,_ Rick thought. _Why did he have to remember that of all things?_

"You're not 10 until tomorrow," Rick said, "and we n…need to be somewhere without traffic for your f…first time."

"It's cause you think I'm d…dumb!" Morty said. "I'll prove I'm not dumb. I've been w…watching you, and I'm going to fly this ship."

Before Rick could stop him, Morty took off his seatbelt, jumped in Rick's lap, and grabbed the controls. "Watch me fly!" he yelled.

It had all happened so fast. Morty hit the stabilizer button, realigning the ship's ballast so that it became heavy on the left while the right was suddenly many times lighter.

"Morty!" Rick screamed as he grabbed the controls. The ship fell out of traffic, heading directly for the buildings below. The left wing hung lowest, leaving them pressed against the sides of the ship. Rick and Summer were wearing seat belts, but Morty was thrown against the side of the ship.

Rick ignored Morty's pained scream, focusing instead on readjusting the ballast. It was a simple procedure, and the ship righted itself quickly. He pulled up sharply, hardly daring to breathe as he saw the end of the street nearing, and a tall building looming in front of him.

He barely made it, flying almost perpendicular to the building. He leveled out above the building and continued flying in open space.

Summer was crying, and Morty was still screaming from what Rick could only hope were minor injuries.

Rick felt weak and shaky. He'd faced death before, but not with the kids around. He looked for a place to land. He saw a parking lot nearby and began his descent.

"W…we're gonna be alright kids. We're gonna be…"

A shock threw the ship spinning, and Rick watched the world change into a kaleidoscope nightmare of spinning images after the massive garbage bot broadsided them. Morty was silent now, and as Rick tried to steady the craft he hoped Morty was alive.

He didn't remember the crash. He remembered waking up in a lot of pain after briefly blacking out. He saw Morty lying nearby, with half of his head crushed, one eye open and staring at him blankly.

He saw Summer's hand nearby, and in his shock it didn't immediately register that the hand wasn't attached to anything.

"NOOO!" he roared when it settled into his mind that Summer was buried under the wreckage, badly wounded if she was alive at all. He began throwing rubble, hoping that somehow she was alive. He ignored his own injuries, but as he saw a group of people running toward him he collapsed on the rubble. The last thing he saw was spotted people with long necks and large, worried eyes.

When he woke he had a few precious minutes while he lay confused in an alien hospital, only a few moments before he remembered.

"NOOO!" he shrieked again. A giraffe necked nurse rushed into his room.

Rick sat up. He was attached to an IV and various monitors.

"Where are my grandchildren? Tell me they're alive."

"Mr. Sanchez, you were badly injured. Stop moving around."

"Fuck that," Rick said. "W…where are they?"

Two burly nurses, alarmed by the noise, came in and restrained Rick when he tried to run, too confused to understand that he couldn't get far attached to hospital equipment.

One of them injected him with morphine, or something like it, and as the welcome oblivion claimed him Rick hoped he never woke again.

The hallucination ended, and Rick lay staring at Phoenix Person's ceiling.

"No!" he yelled, and Phoenix Person leapt out of bed, nude but ready to protect his mate.

Rick covered his face with his hands. "No," he said. "Not again."

Phoenix Person's feathers smoothed when he realized they weren't in danger.

"You were having hallucinations?" he asked.

"I saw it again," Rick said. "Morty's cr…crushed face, and Summer's detached hand. I don't know what that p…powder was cut with, but I am going to kill my dealer."

"Do you know where you are?" Phoenix Person asked.

"Yes," Rick said. "I'm in your nest."

"You cannot change the past," Phoenix Person said.

"No," Rick said. "I tried. T…time travel didn't…ulp…work out. Too many complications."

He remembered the jumble of weeks that followed as he lay, numb and uncaring, first in the hospital bed, and then later in a bed in a mental hospital. The giraffe people were kind, and they let him stay until he was ready to leave.

As he had walked out into the alien landscape his soul felt barren and lifeless. He looked at the people walking around him, and it felt strange to see other people smile in such a universe. He got directions to a liquor store, and after that he had never been sober for longer than it took to get the next drink.

Bird Person found him on the Giraffe planet, working as a storage facility guard so he could live without expending too much energy. They didn't even seem to mind that he drank on the job. Bird Person had brought Rick back to his nest and tended to him as his bruised mind healed. It was a nest in the Giraffe dimension, but it looked almost identical to the nests in other dimensions. There was only one Bird Person, as far as they knew. He was an anomaly.

Rick stayed there for a year, until Bird Person excitedly told him that he'd found a dimension whose Rick had either abandoned his family, or more likely died.

There was an unclaimed, unmutated, human Morty and Summer. They were the wrong ages, but they were alive!

And his Beth was there. It was more than he could have hoped for.

He had arrived with a slight buzz, not his general drunken state since the accident. He was never good with social interactions. He usually took the blunt, direct route. He hadn't before the accident, but afterwards he felt no patience with the universe.

A man opened the door. Rick immediately disliked the vacant, stupid stare. He had never talked with a Jerry before, but he'd seen them at Blitz and Chips day care, and he'd learned to avoid them.

He took his flask out of his coat and took a drink.

"Hi Jerry. I'm looking for B…Beth."

"And you are?" Jerry asked suspiciously.

"Her father, disphit. Wh…where is she?"

"You can't talk to me like that!" Jerry said.

Rick pushed his way into the house. "Nice place," he said. "Not many people can…urp…pull off suburban mediocrity like this. Good effort at least."

"Jerry, who is it?" Beth called from the kitchen.

"He says he's your father."

Beth ran into the living room. "Daddy?" she asked "Is it really you?"

"In the fl…urp…flesh," Rick said.

"Where were you?" she asked. "Why did you leave me and Mom?"

And Rick couldn't explain that he never left, that he would never abandon his family, because that's what the Rick from this dimension had done.

He took a long drink from his flask. "It's com…complicated. I'm gonna stay here for awhile, get to know you and the…urp…kids."

"The hell you are!" Jerry said. "You can't barge in here drunk, insult me, and demand to live here."

"Jerry, you have two seconds to st…stop talking, or I'm going to staple your mouth shut," Rick said.

Beth looked worried as she turned between her husband and father. "Of course you can stay," she said. "Jerry, I'm not losing him again after all these years."

"But I think…"

"I don't care what you think! "she yelled. "He's my father and I want him here."

Jerry pointed a finger at Rick, and Rick scoffed at the gesture.

"This isn't over," Jerry said.

"Oh, just go away, Jerry," Beth said.

Jerry straightened his posture. "I'm leaving now, because I want to leave." He headed toward the back of the house.

"Is that…ulp…is that what you picked to have my grandchildren with?" Rick asked.

"He's not that bad once you get to know him. Sit down. Tell me all about yourself."

 _Shit,_ Rick thought. _I didn't plan any kind of back story._

"I'd rather hear about you," Rick said, plopping down on the overstuffed couch.

She told him her life story, how her mother had raised her alone, and then she'd become a horse surgeon and married Jerry and and had Summer and Morty, leaving out the part where she'd married Jerry because she was pregnant with Summer.

She spent most of her time talking about her accomplishments as a horse surgeon, not in an arrogant way, but in a needy manner that suggested she felt inferior.

Rick felt nothing. He had expected some instant connection, some spark between them, but all he saw was a neurotic woman who was going to be annoying as hell to deal with. She was nothing like his Beth.

But if he wanted to be near Morty and Summer he needed her to like him.

"Wow honey. I'm pr…proud of you, being a horse surgeon. That's so…urp…caring and sensitive."

It was all he could do to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but he didn't think she noticed in her attention starved state.

The front door rattled as it was unlocked. "Oh, the kids are home," Beth said. When they came in she said, "Morty, Summer, I want you to meet your grandfather."

They were the wrong age, as Bird Person had said. Summer looked coolly distant. He could see his original Summer would have grown into this gangly youth who looked somewhat like himself.

His Summer was dead, and he felt no connection to the Summer in front of him, just a surge of pain.

Morty looked just like any other unmutated Morty from a compatible dimension. Rick remembered how his Morty had always wanted to help him work, even though he was so dumb that all he could do was hold the tools.

"H…hi," Morty stammered. "Are you really my grandpa?"

"Call me Rick, and don't get too excited about this. I'm here to s…see your Mom."

"But they're your grandchildren," Beth said.

"She's too ol…urp…old to be cuddly anymore, and he looks like your idiot h…husband."

"You don't mean that," Beth said. "He doesn't mean that kids. He's just tired from traveling, aren't you?"

"Sure," Rick said. "Whatever."

Summer and Morty went upstairs. Morty stopped on the stairs, stared at him, and flipped him off.

"Huh. That one has some spunk. N…never seen one with spunk before," Rick said. "That's going to be annoying."

Jerry came back with a cot, which he carried clumsily. "We can put this in the garage."

"Jerry. He can sleep on the couch until we can renovate the garage."

"Renovate the…? No. He can stay for a couple of days."

Beth ignored him. "Dinner should be just about ready. Do you like spaghetti?"

Rick shrugged and took another swig from his flask. "I'll eat wh…whatever doesn't move anymore. I'm not picky."

"And that's enough of that," Jerry said. "Put the flask away."

"So help me…urp…I…I…I'll buy a staple gun, Jerry."

"Kids," Beth called. "Dinner is ready."

Dinner was a suburban nightmare. Summer barely looked up from her phone, Morty watched him moodily, Jerry whined about his latest failures at work, and Rick continued getting drunker. Beth drank an entire bottle of wine by the end of the meal, and her hand was shaking.

 _Pathetic,_ Rick thought. He took a long drink from his flask.

"Alright, dipshit," he said to Jerry. "Show me where I'm sleeping."

Jerry took him to the garage. "I pulled the cars out. It won't hurt them to sit outside for a couple of days."

"It's fine," Rick said, looking around the room. "It will work."

"Just remember who is in charge here," Jerry said.

"From wh…what I've seen, that would be Beth."

He set the cot up in a corner. The garage was dirty, the ground was oil stained, and a few dusty shelves held chemicals and tools. He couldn't imagine Jerry being any good with tools, especially since a layer of dust and cobwebs covered most of them.

 _Better than nothing, I guess,_ he thought, and took a long pull at the flask.


	7. Chapter 7

Morty loved training with Phoenix Person, and a week went by quickly for him. They had only trained together 3 times, but he had already learned a few things. He was impatient to get to the fighting with weapons part, but he knew he'd have to wait, or he might get a painful surprise.

After a hard day of training he knocked on the garage door, and when Rick didn't answer he entered warily. He never knew what he was going to find.

Rick sat in his chair with his head hanging back. Morty had seen dead men, and his stomach clenched. Rick's hand was clenched tightly on his lap.

"Rick?" Morty asked. He reached for Rick's pulse, but his fingers barely touched Rick's neck before his wrist was clamped in Rick's bony hand, his hand bent backwards until a sharp pain made him cry out in surprise.

Rick had an insane, wild-eyed look and a snarl that froze Morty. "Don't ever t...touch me when I'm asleep, idiot."

He released Morty and took a drink from his flask, draining the last of the liquor. "Fuck!" he screamed, throwing the flask across the room and adding one more dent to the abused flask.

"Fucking...hell!" Rick screamed.

He had dropped something small, and when Morty picked it up he saw a much younger picture of himself and Summer.

"You dropped this," he said.

Rick clutched it and put it in a pocket, not his lab coat pocket, where he put things he needed to grab quickly, but his pants pocket, where he kept things he needed to protect. His lab coats tended to get damaged a lot.

"So that's your real family," Morty said. Jealousy took him. "He looks d...dumb."

"You all look dumb, you spying little...ulp...shit sack."

"Why do you always have to be such a dick?" Morty asked.

"Because I'm g...good at it," Rick said. He reached for the pocket he kept his flask, only to find it gone.

"Grab my vodka," Rick said. "It's in the closet."

"Get it y...yourself," Morty said.

"Judgmental little pr...prick. I need to build a liquor fetching bot."

Rick stood, leaning on the chair for stability. The fell as the chair rolled, and he barely caught himself, almost face planting.

"If you aren't going to help then leave."

"I am helping," Morty said. "You have a problem Rick."

"Yeah I have a pr...problem! I can't get to the liquor."

"I hate you and Mom drinking so much. You need to do something about it."

"Don't try to change...urp...me Morty."

"Why not? You changed me, for the better you said. It worked too. I am better now, and I can make something of m...myself. Imagine what you could do sober. Maybe the other Morty would still be alive."

Rick stood shakily and raised his hand, as if to strike Morty.

"Do it!" Morty said. "Do it motherfucker!"

Rick looked into eyes shaped that Jerry's, but the fire inside them was his own.

He lowered his hand and sat down. "That was low. I didn't drink until after th...that day. Remember this day, Morty. I've wanted to throw you out of the ship a few times, but I've n...never wanted to smack you until...urp...now, and I didn't do it."

"I guess that's something," Morty said.

"I win," Rick said. "I didn't h...hit you. I'm better than my father."

Morty had never met his Great Grandfather. "He hit you?" he asked. He couldn't remember any of the family mentioning him.

"Don't worry about it. It's the vodka Morty. It makes me say weird things."

"No it doesn't," Morty said.

Rick stared at the picture in his hand.

"You wish I was him," Morty said.

"No. I wish he wasn't dead, but I don't want to replace you. You're as much my Morty as he is. They aren't my real family, just my first one."

Rick stood and moved unsteadily toward the closest.

"Sit down," Morty said. "I'll g...get it this time, but I wish you'd at least cut back."

Morty watched his grandfather guzzle a quarter of a bottle of Popov vodka.

Morty turned away, his mind spinning with the possibilities that Rick's lab could teach him. A glass case sat on the table, with two holes in the side. The holes were covered by plastic. Thick black gloves sat next to the case.

"What are you quarantining?" Morty asked. A fur covered lump sat in the middle of the case, heaving. A single eye looked up at Morty.

"It's a Cronenberg Rabbit. I went back to Cronenburg d...dimension," Rick said. "I can get back your parents and Summer if I can fix this. Your original parents are less fu...fucked up than these ones."

"I would have to leave Summer," Morty said.

"To go b...back to your original Summer," Rick said.

"But Summer will be alone here if I go. I can't just abandon her. They're b...both my Summers."

"Welcome to my life," Rick said. "There's a reason I never go b...back when something gets that fucked up. It just makes things worse."

"Don't lie to me Rick," Morty said. "W...w...when we left it was because you wrecked the place."

"I did it? You were there too."

"But I didn't know what was h...h...happening, and you did."

"You don't get it," Rick said. "You will after you've seen enough fucked up st...stuff. It isn't real, Morty. Nothing is real, and it's all a pointless waste of space. W...w...what happens in one dimension doesn't affect another unless a Rick is involved. Each dimension is like an island in reality, sort of. An island that leaks into other islands sometimes. I don't know. It's a bad metaphor, but you couldn't understand the science."

"Why am I an ass Morty? B...because the universe is an ass."

Rick drank more vodka, grabbed a trash can, and forcefully vomited. Hs wiped his face with a shop rag. "Whew. Usually don't do that. S..some things don't mix well with vodka, Morty."

"You weren't at breakfast," Morty said.

"I w..w...was working," Rick said.

"How long were you drinking on an empty stomach?" Morty asked.

"I don't know," Rick said. "I don't...ulp...care."

Morty left and returned with a sandwich. Rick looked at him suspiciously. "What are you doing Morty? You don't d...do this kind of thing."

"I need you alive," Morty said. "I can do this myself, but it would be h...harder, and Phoenix Sensei would be distracted by your death."

He handed Rick a glass of water so he could rinse his mouth. Rick watched him with a suspicious look.

"That's sound logical," he said, "adult l...logic instead of whiny kid stuff about life not being fair."

"It's Rick logic," Morty said. "How m...much of your own DNA did you use when you programmed me? You made it s...s...sound like you didn't mess with my personality, but I feel different lately."

"Sometimes science is more art than sc...science, Morty." Rick ate and watched him, wondering how much trouble he'd gotten himself into.

"That was bullshit the first time you said it," Morty said.

"You don't have to worry about turning into me," Rick said. "I made...urp..sure not to mess with a couple of Jerry's genes. I didn't mess up your capacity for empathy. Th...that's definitely from his side of the family."

"You don't value empathy," Morty said.

"No, but you do. It keeps you m...motivated, and I need you motivated. I hate...urp...hate to admit it, but Jerry might have g...given you a few good things."

Rick grimaced and put his hand over his stomach. "Jeez Morty, what did you do, rub bacteria all over that s...sandwich?"

"The sandwich was fine," Morty said. "You're the one that's fucked up."

Rick vomited again, and the sound of it hitting the vomit already in the can made Morty a little nauseous himself.

Rick put the bucket down and leaned over. He sat on the cot with his head almost between his knees.

Morty tried not to look, but he saw the vomit, with flecks of red in it.

"Rick. I think your th...throwing up blood," Morty said. "You need to go to the hospital."

Rick sat up. "Fuck that sh...shit. Hospitals are cages for sick people. You can go in there with a broken arm and die of a staph infection."

He raised his flask, but Morty stopped him, holding it while it was still in Rick's hand. He almost let go when he saw the murderous look in Rick's eye, but he held it tightly.

"That's it," Rick said. "On your 18th b...birthday you and I are going to fist city."

Morty pulled the flask away roughly. "I figured that would happen anyway. At least stop drinking until your stomach stops b...bleeding. You won't be alive by my 18th birthday if you keep that up."

"Yeah, and wouldn't that be a fuck...ulp...fucking shame," Rick said. "Look, you fucking prick. Give me the f...flask right now, or I'll make your life hell."

"Too late," Morty said. "I buried my d...dead body after abandoning my family on a planet of monsters. You already made my life hell."

"You think that's hell Morty? Let me tell you about hell. Hell is what's going to happen to you slowly. I'm g...going to find the nastiest Bluch Worm and feed you to it. It takes a man 10 days to be digested, Morty, and...urp...and they live through 5 of those. Don't cross me, you j...judgmental little bitch!"

Morty threw the flash at him. "Fine!" he said. "Drink yourself to d...death! You were right Rick. Caring about someone is stupid."

"No, wait, Morty. I meant that about me, not you. You gotta do b...better than me, Morty. I care about you and Summer."

"Prove it," Morty said. "Give me the flask."

Rick looked at the flask and rubbed his thumb over an old dent.

"I can't," Rick said. "I'll be him again, and I can't do that."

"You'll be wh...wh..who?" Morty asked.

"The Rick Who Cares." He took a large swig of vodka and immediately sent it back up into the basket.

"You know what Rick? Fuck you. Fuck you, and your flask, and your ego, and just fuck all of it!"

"Well put," Rick said. "Really...ulp...really putting that new intellect to good use there."

Morty stomped off to his room. He had a game that he liked where he could tip a toy and a little plastic ball would roll around until he got it in the right hole.

It used to be fun, but Morty had read a geometry book, and now he saw the angles involved when the ball bounced, making the game absurdly easy.

He tossed the toy aside and lay on his bed thinking. He needed to get Rick to stop drinking, but how? _What would Rick do_?"

He knew exactly what Rick would do. It was devious, and best of all it was something he'd never expect. He couldn't do it now, or Rick would be suspicious, but he was willing to wait if it meant keeping Rick alive.

None of his toys were interesting anymore. It was hard to believe how much of a moron he'd been.

Morty opened his laptop and began to search for some materials to make more interesting toys. It turned out to be expensive to do it right, so he had to improvise, which was more fun. He felt like he was a pioneer, even though he knew he wasn't doing anything new. It was new to him.

Dinner was awkward. Without Rick around he just watched his Mom eat silently. He'd never noticed before, but she had sad eyes. She began her third glass of wine.

"Mom? Is Dad really never coming h...home again?"

"No Morty. Do you want him to?"

Morty remembered the times his father had taken him to the zoo, bought him ice cream, tried and failed to help him with his homework. He failed a lot. But he remembered the fights too, the screaming and breaking glass. Sometimes his father had a black eye the next morning.

"No," Morty said. "It's probably b...better that he stays away, I guess."

His mother tipped the glass back and drank half of it. "Oh, so you're an adult now Morty? You think you know what's best for me?"

Beth usually didn't drink to the point of slurring her words, but she had been at it the whole day.

"Summer is coming home tonight," she said. "At least my baby girl still loves me."

"I love you Mom," Morty said.

"Whatever. The men in this family leave, Morty. I know you'll do it as soon as you get the chance."

"That isn't t...true," Morty said. "I love you and Summer and Rick, and Dad too."

Beth drank the rest of her wine and poured more. She belched slightly and swallowed back vomit.

"We'll see," Beth said. "Like father, like son, right?" The look she gave him was one he saw often on Rick's face. Pure loathing.

"I'm going to take Rick some food," Morty said.

"Yeah, you do that," Beth said.

He put together a plate of KFC, making sure to get a couple of legs. Rick's favorite part. He didn't know if he could get Rick to eat, but he put some green beans and a biscuit on the plate and hoped for the best.

Rick was standing at his work table, next to the Cronenberg box. The thing inside had grown feet and hands, but it was still a globulous creature, not a rabbit.

"Hand me that wrench," Rick said.

Morty took the wrench from the shelf that held the mundane tools; hammer, nails, that sort of thing.

"I got you some food," Morty said.

Rick turned and looked at him suspiciously. "What are you doing Morty? Do you think I'm getting to old to t...take care of myself? Are you going to try to put me in a home? Your father tried that once, and...urp... look what it got him."

It was a cold, dark look be gave Morty, but he'd seen it many times.

"Dad can't take care of himself, and no one put him in a home," Morty said. "You do fine."

"Damn right I do," Rick said. "Hey! Chicken! My favorite dead bird." He grabbed a leg and began to eat.

"Your stomach is better?" Morty asked.

"It's fine," Rick said. He pointed to the pile of stuff in one corner that had alien medical supplies. "It's just an ulcer. Easy fix. Just m...made some healing medicine. Kind of like like putting Stop Leak into a leaky...urp...radiator, but for humans. I've done it a few times before."

"Why don't you use that medicine to help people? You could cure all diseases, right?"

"And if I did that then the pharmaceutical companies would f...fail, doctors would lose their jobs, and your Mom would to. It would cost all the vets their jobs when they cure the animal diseases. And all these p...people that make and sell medicine. They'd have to become drug dealers Morty. And the truckers that...urp...deliver it, and pharmacists. I'd wreck the economy, Morty. It's best not to interfere."

"You interfere all the time," Morty said. "That's most of w...w...what you do."

"For fun. I just like to explore. It isn't my fault that so many things go wrong and I just happen to be around."

Rick took the wrench from Morty and smashed a small half constructed machine. He scraped the parts into the trash can, which Morty was glad to see was empty of vomit.

"I'm gonna go take a dump," Rick said. "Keep an eye on the Cronenberg Rabbit for me. I need to know if it mutates again."

Morty looked at the Cronenberg rabbit. It just sat there and wriggled its nose at him. He didn't think it had a nose before. It didn't look much like a rabbit nose though, just a lump with holes. The lump twitched again.

Rick had left his flask by the cage. Morty briefly considered pouring the vodka and orange juice down the drain, but he knew it wouldn't do any good.

He opened it and smelled the contents, and then, just to see what it tasted like, he took a small sip. Orange juice and something that burned a little. He took another sip. It wasn't bad. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad.

He heard the toilet flush and put the flask back exactly how he'd found it.

"I have an idea," Rick said. "We haven't done anything fun in a while. When Summer gets back w...w...why don't we go to a concert or something, like we did that one time?"

"Really? Morty asked. "No guns, or running, or angry bug things?"

"Nope. Just us doing some n...normal Earth stuff. Just you and me and Summer, Morty. The three amigos on the last day of Spring br...break."

Morty didn't get to see Rick smile very often, and it made him feel safe somehow.

"Like Love Connection Experience?" Morty asked.

"Sure, why not?" Rick said. "That was f...fun. Things have gotten too serious, Morty. We need to just have some fun."

"Yeah!" Morty said. "I'd l...like that."

Rick took a pull off the flask, and put it back in his pocket. He looked surprised and pulled it out again, staring at it. "Huh. How about that?" he muttered.

Morty waited for him to yell at him. Somehow he knew. Instead Rick put it back on the table. "Muscle memory," he said.

"What are you talking about?" Morty asked.

"Nothing. Go do s...something somewhere else. I need to work on something, and you distract me."

"Sure Rick. Can I b...borrow some books?"

"Take whatever you want, as long as they don't leave the house and you bring them back in as good a sh...shape as they leave, or you'll get it."

Rick had a lot of books piled haphazardly on a bookshelf and in piles around the room. Morty picked out three at random.

"Morty, you and Summer are good kids. With Jerry gone I'm gonna try to do b...better for you, drink less."

Morty stared, spellbound. "Did I just h...hear you right?" he asked.

"Just less," Rick said. "I probably need to give the liver a rest."

"Thanks R...Rick," Morty said.

"Yeah. Don't get weird...ulp...about it. Go on, get out of here."

After Morty left Rick went back to tweaking Butterbot so that it would fetch other condiments. He reached for the flask and took a drink. He looked down at the flask in surprise. "Goddammit," he said. "I don't even realize I'm doing it anymore."

"Huh. Fuck it." He turned the flask up and emptied it.

The next morning Beth was gone, and Rick had his usual toast, coffee, and Baileys for breakfast. He liked Beth's cooking, but he had an adverse reaction to getting attached to comfortable habits.

Summer and Morty were eating cereal. "I thought you were going to st...stop drinking," Morty said.

"I said I'd drink less," Rick said. "Baileys doesn't count. It's...ulp... pretty much l...liquid candy."

After breakfast he said, "Love Connection Experience is playing at the park again."

"Oh I love them!" Summer said.

"Yeah, folk music is kind of f...fun," Morty said. "I like folk music."

"Well then. Grab some sh...shoes and let's get out of here!" Rick said.

They sat on a blanket on the ground and sang the main song that the group always played. Halfway through the concert Summer got a text and ignored everything around her.

"So Devin told Sarah that he heard that Tony thinks I'm cute," Summer said. She squealed.

Rick reached for his flask, only to pull out a bottle of water. He sighed, belched, and took a drink.

"Are you drinking water?" Summer asked.

"Forgot my flask," Rick said.

Summer's eyes narrowed. "Riiiiight," she said.

"Gotta stay h...hydrated," Rick said. His hand shook slightly as he held the bottle.

When the concert was over Summer and Morty wanted ice cream, but Rick vetoed the suggestion. "I have a headache," he said. "Let's go home."

He was quiet on the way home, even ignoring their bickering over who got the armrest in the back.

He headed straight for the garage when he got back, unaware that Morty was following him. He reached under a work bench and pulled out an almost full bottle of vodka. He turned it up, drinking greedily and reminding Morty of a water cooler.

Rick drank half of it. "That's better," he said.

"Is it?" Morty asked.

"Fuck off, M...Morty."

Morty went to the kitchen, opened the fridge and dug to the back, pulling out the Baileys. He snuck it up to his room and poured some in a glass.

It was good, like candy. Weird candy. He felt good, happy. It was like things didn't matter as much.

He began to read, drinking as he went. He liked how warm his stomach felt, and the more he drank the better it tasted. He belched and giggled.

Before he'd realized it he drank the whole bottle. It had been half full when he started.

"Thas not good," he slurred. "Gonna get in trouble."

Summer and Rick were in their rooms, and Beth hadn't come home yet.

He went to the kitchen, stumbling and using the walls for support. He put the bottle on the trash.

"You should at least hide it," Rick said from the passageway. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, waiting for the rest of the show.

Morty put his finger up to his lips. "SHHH," he said loudly. "If it's on top Mom will assume you drank it, and you'll assume she d... did."

"Two problems with that plan, genius. Your mom doesn't drink anything but w...wine, and I just saw you with the bottle."

"Oh," Morty said. He looked at Rick stupidly.

"Do you have anything else to say?" Rick asked.

"Do we have any more?" Morty asked. "That stuff is g...good."

"No, and you are too...urp...too young to drink."

"Na Rick. I'm not the Mortiest Morty anymore. I'm the Rickest Morty."

Rick's eyes narrowed and he retrieved his portal gun, made a portal and pointed to it. "Go. Now."

"But Rick, I don't want to..."

Rick shoved him in the back, and Morty stumbled through the portal, straight into hell.


	8. Chapter 8

Morty closed his eyes against the blinding, pulsating light, but it was so bright he could see the light through his eyelids. He covered his eyes with his hands, and when he heard someone move behind him he asked, "Rick?"

The smell of the place was a mixture of dust, blood, and raw eggs. It was the last part that got him, and Morty bent over and threw up all of his breakfast. The taste of cereal and Bailey's stung.

Something that sounded like brittle grass crunched behind him.

"R...rick?" he asked. He opened his eyes briefly, but even looking at the ground hurt.

He heard an odd noise, a sort of gurgling, sloshing language, and then something bit him on the arm.

He stepped back, rubbing his arm while trying ineffectually to keep the light out with the other hand.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Stop that." He felt blood running down his arm.

It bit his leg, and Morty stumbled and fell. His hand landed on what felt like a rock, and Morty tried to strike out with it. The rock was swatted from his hand, and he stumbled back and fell.

Suddenly his mind cleared, almost as if he'd never drank the alcohol.

Rick's insane laughter gave him some hope.

"Rick? Where are you?" Morty asked.

"I'm right here," Rick said. "You still like being drunk, d...dumbass?"

"This isn't funny," Morty said. "Something b...bit me."

"Ow!" Rick yelled. "Mother fucker!" Morty heard the sound of Rick's pistol, and he tried to look again, but the light seemed to come from all around.

He felt Rick put a pair of goggles over his eyes.

"O...open your eyes, dumbass," Rick said.

Morty opened his eyes and saw that through the glasses everything was an electric blue. Bright blue mountains rose on the horizon, and odd, cubic rock formations made of blue stone lay nearby. On the dark blue grass, cat sized insects skittered, their bodies long and slender, with tapered waists like wasps. Their mandibles opened and closed, and Morty saw one look directly at him.

He stepped away from the bug, right onto another bug's feet. It made a squealing sound and tried to bite him, but Morty evaded it and kicked hard, sending it flying. It landed and ran away from him, making a chittering noise as it ran.

"Jeez, Rick, what are you t...trying to do? What are those things?"

Morty lifted his goggles slightly, but everything was blazing white again.

"Cold light bugs," Rick said. "Everything h...here is compressed carbon, even the life forms."

"That's cool, I guess, but they bite!"

"Yeah. They have a complex...urp...relationship with another planet. They travel over there to propagate their sp...species."

"Huh? They fly through space?"

"Yeah. We can go back now."

"But w...w...why did we come here?"

Rick grinned at him. "You'll see."

They stepped through the portal and pulled off their goggles. "Rick, I want to know what you did to me."

"I'll tell you after I see if it t...took or not." He looked down at his leg and pulled his pant leg up. Blood ran from a bite mark.

"Shit. It bit me too. That's going to c...cause problems."

"Why?" Morty asked.

"They're toxic," Rick said.

"What the hell Rick?" Morty asked. "Why...what...what the hell?"

"Just for...ulp...fun. It's a sort of rite of passage to be drunk for the first time. I g...guess you think you're a man now, huh?"

Rick pulled out his flask and handed it to Morty. "How about a congratulatory drink?"

Morty sniffed the flask suspiciously and then took a drink. He spat it out and fell to his knees, howling in pain as he clutched his stomach.

"I guess it t...took," Rick said.

A few seconds later Morty looked up at Rick. "What was that?"

"A little parasite, Morty. Just a parasite. It's how cold light bugs reproduce."

"Gross! You put w...worms in me?"

"No. The bugs did. They'll stay in your intestinal tract, and they have a severe reaction to toxins, which m...means they send out some nasty pain causing chemicals when you drink. Alcohol is a toxin.

"You son of a bitch!" Morty said.

"Oh, calm d...down Spaz. You'll...ulp... shit them out in a week, along with a bunch of eggs, but you'll get the idea if you drink again. And if I find out you've been d...drinking I'll haul you back there and let them chew on you again."

"But they bit you t...too," Morty said.

Rick looked at his flask and sighed. "If their parasites got into my bloodstream it's g...gonna be one hell of a bad week, Morty. One...ulp...hell of a bad week."

Morty's eyes grew wide. "You can't d...drink for a week?"

"If I got the parasite," Rick said. He took an experimental drink from hid flash and grit his teeth against the pain in his gut. "Yeah. They're already in there. Th...they work against any drugs, too - or at least the ones I've tried."

"This could be real good," Morty said. "Maybe you won't want any more."

"Morty, why don't you g...get out of here. I've had enough of your annoying ass for awhile."

"Whatever Rick. I have stuff to do."

Morty was so busy thinking about his own problems that he didn't realize that Rick had looked frightened.

He tinkered in his room, rearranging his make shift lab so that he could work. He needed more space, or he would have to confine himself to trying to fit a whole lab on his desk.

He found Summer in the living room reading a magazine about hair. "Hey, could you help me move s...something?"

"What's in it for me?" she asked.

"I have two dollars," Morty said.

"Ok. You have to do my chores today too."

"Fine, just c...come help me."

When Summer saw all the boxes with postage stickers on them, she asked "what is all this?"

"I'm going to try something. Rick thinks he is the only one in the f...family that can change things with science, but I can too."

Summer looked uncomfortable. "Morty, you're my brother, and I love you, but..."

"But what?" Morty snapped. "But I'm too dumb?"

"No. You're just...not...um..."

"What? What Summer? J...just say it."

"You're nice, and funny, and sometimes you can be fun to hang out with. Grandpa Rick is the smartest man in the universe, and he's miserable. Maybe being super smart isn't that great."

"But I am smart now," Morty said. "Rick messed with my genes, and he m...made me more intelligent."

"I don't think he should have done that," Summer said. "He could have messed you up."

"Yeah, but it w..w...worked, and I'm going to do the same thing to him and Mom. I'm going to find the genes that m...make them al...al...alcoholics and change them."

"Morty, I don't think it works that way. I mean, people have choices, right?"

"Sort of. I like Rick, but the drunker he gets the meaner and m...more dangerous he is. I think he's gonna die if I don't do something."

"But you're going to use it on Mom too?"

"I'll test it on Rick first. He tested stuff on me without asking. Serves him right."

Summer helped Morty push his bed against the wall, and she watched as he put up a folding table and began to set up his equipment.

"I need to connect these two tubes," Morty said. "Hold them together while I t...tape them."

He combined flasks, beakers, tubes and other apparatus. He sat aside a scale and a microscope.

"How did you buy all this?" Summer asked.

"Mom's credit card. I asked if I could get some school stuff, and she said I could use it. I never said how much."

"She's going to make you send it back," Summer said.

"I have until the b...bill comes to use it then."

"Morty, you sound like Grandpa Rick."

"Shut up Summer! I do not."

"Don't tell me to shut up!" Summer said.

"Ok. I'm sorry. Don't tell M...Mom, ok?"

"You'll have to do my chores for a week."

"Four days " Morty said.

Summer smirked. "Four it is then."

After she left Morty took the bit of Rick's vomit he'd scavenged and made a specimen. He looked through the microscope, and discovered that he had no idea what he was looking at.

He pulled out his laptop and began to read about cells and DNA. He looked around his lab with a sense of how pathetic it was compared to what he needed to build nanobots, but he didn't think Rick had bought most of the things in his lab. He'd probably built or stolen them.

He went down to Rick's lab later that night. Everyone was sleeping, and he hoped that Rick was gone. The light was off, so he used the spare key he had made. He had read on the internet about how he could get a locksmith to make a spare key based on a picture of a lock. He had been prepared with a story, but they just made the key for him.

 _I can do anything now that I can read_ , he thought.

When he turned on the light, he heard, "Morty? How did you get in here?"

"You left the door unlocked," Morty said.

"If you need more b...books, take them," Rick said. Morty turned to see him lying on his back on the army cot. Morty was used to seeing him drunk, but this was a different kind of bad. He looked exhausted, and he squinted at the light.

"Go on," he said. "The light is m...making my headache worse."

Morty grabbed two books and left, feeling guilty. Rick was being really nice, but he needed to get to his equipment if he was going to help him.

Rick dragged himself to breakfast the next morning, hollow-eyed and slouching. He ate slowly, and Morty saw his hand shake as he did.

"Dad, are you sick?" Beth asked.

"Huh? No. I partied all night with Squanchy, and there were these Teranian girlbots there."

Beth rolled her eyes. "Honestly Dad."

"Wubba lubba dub dub," Rick said, but it lacked the usual enthusiasm.

If he wasn't irritated with Jerry or the children prattling on Rick usually stuck around until the others left the table, but as soon as he ate he got up.

"Got a lot of w...ulp...work to do. Science stuff. Don't bother me."

"Ok Dad. Have fun," Beth said.

"Can I h...help?" Morty asked.

"On a school day?" Rick asked, seeming shocked. "Of course not." He smirked at Morty and left.

Beth left for work.

Summer had been texting her friends. "Did Dad get a job or somethimg? I haven't seen him in days."

Morty stopped mid chew. He chewed slowly, trying to buy time.

"Did Mom not tell you?" Morty asked.

"Tell me what? Quit being weird."

"Dad's g...gone," Morty said. "He can't come back. His stuff is gone too."

Summer looked around. "I don't see much missing. Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I guess Mom's keeping most of it."

Summer stared at her plate.

"It's good, I guess," Morty said.

"I guess," Summer said. "Mom was probably too drunk to remember to tell me."

"Yeah." Morty stirred the food around on his plate, watching the egg yolks mix with the grape jelly and turn an ugly green.

"I have to leave for school," Summer said. "Do you want to walk with me?"

"I'm not going," Morty said. "I can l...learn more on my own."

"Morty, are you sad?"

"About Dad? Yes. Are you?"

"I don't know."

The house felt empty and silent after Summer left, and Morty wished someone was there besides him.

He knocked on Rick's door lightly. "Go away," Rick said.

Morty opened the door anyway and saw Rick on the cot.

"What are you doing sl...sleeping? You don't sleep much."

"Just need some rest," Rick said. He sounded as bad as he looked. "F...feeling pretty bad, Morty."

Morty went to his room and read about alcohol withdrawal, feeling more alarmed as he read. He went back to the lab and found that Rick had left the door unlocked. He was mixing a few chemicals together, and he drank them straight from the beaker.

"Will that help?" Morty asked.

"It should," Rick said. "I couldn't make an antidote for the p...poison."

"Them what was that?" Morty asked.

"Having symptoms of alcohol withdrawal," Rick said. "It's going to be one hell of a week, Morty."

"I was reading about it. You could d...die."

Rick shrugged. "Like that's something new. You know how many times I've nearly died?"

"Not like this."

"There are drugs to help the alcohol p...part, and the bugs aren't averse to everything, just the fun stuff apparently. I just h...hate being sober."

"Rick I'm sorry," Morty said.

"Why? You didn't do it. It was my idea to g...go to the cold light planet."

Rick got his portal gun and opened a portal. "Come on."

"Are you going somewhere to find an antidote?" Morty asked.

"No. There's someone I w...want you to meet."

They stepped out of the portal in front of what almost looked like their house, except for the flower bed, and the open garage. Weeds grew in the yard, and a gutter hung from the side of the house.

Rick went to the house and rubbed the little bronze door plaque that said, "Sanchez".

"I never came b...back," Rick said. He opened the door and took a flashlight from his pocket. He pressed a button on the side and it expanded into a full lantern.

It was weird to Morty how alike and yet how different the house was to the one Morty knew. There were pictures of Rick, Morty, and Summer. There were a few with Beth and Jerry, both young and smiling.

Rick saw Morty looking. "They died here a few years after they m...married. They really loved each other. I suppose if they had lived they would have t...turned out like your parents, just like all the other Jerry's and Beth's in the multiverse."

"Did me and Summer live in the sane rooms here?"

"Yes, but d...don't go in. Those are tombs."

Rick walked into the kitchen, and the light fell on two textbooks and a few pages of homework, covered in dust like everything else.

Rick stopped and let the light linger there. Morty couldn't see his face well in the uneven lantern light, but what he could see seemed stoic.

The room smelled rank, and Morty pinched his nose. "What is that smell?" he asked.

"Fridge," Rick said. "I am not opening that."

He left and stood in front of Morty's room and solemnly stared at the door. The house smelled of mildew and rot.

Rick reached out and took the door handle, but he let it go. "I've seen enough," he said. "Let's go."

Morty gratefully inhaled the fresh air, glad to be out of the squalid place.

A neighbor waved at them. "Rick? Rick Sanchez? Is it really you? And little Morty? But you're dead."

"His c...cousin Tony," Rick said. "They look a lot alike. I just wanted to show him the old place."

"Ok Rick. It's good to see..." she stopped in amazement as Rick opened another portal and stepped through.

They came out of the portal just outside a cemetery. As they walked through it, Morty glanced at Rick occasionally. His face was slack, void. Not emotionless, just empty.

They came to two graves, marked, "Morty, beloved grandson" and "Summer, beloved granddaughter." Near them were two other graves with Jerry Smith and Beth Smith on the makers.

"It's a family reunion Morty," Rick said.

"Jeez Rick. I don't know if this is g...good for you. We should go home."

"I've been trying to forget since it happened," Rick said, "and as soon as I get those p...parasites out of my system I can forget again."

Morty did something he'd never dared even try before. He slipped his hand into Rick's. "Nothing matters. We're all little dots in a big universe. You're my grandfather and I love you. Let's go home."

Rick smiled warmly at Morty, even while tears ran down his cheeks. He opened the portal and went through.

If only the rest of the week had gone as smoothly, it would have made Morty happier. He managed to get Rick to let him use the micro-microscope he'd built, which he said was an improvement on the electron microscope.

Rick didn't do much for the first few days, and even after that he didn't have the energy that Morty was accustomed to, but Morty thought that probably had more to do with Rick's lack of stimulants than alcohol.

He let Morty have free run of the lab, as long as he wasn't bothered, and the nanobots were ready to be programmed by the fifth day.

Rick had spent most of his time lying silently on his cot or tinkering with inventions.

Morty sat in Summer's room trying to explain the nanobots to her while she painted her nails. "I can do it," he said, "but I don't know if I should. I haven't programmed the b...bots yet, and I'm afraid I'll make a mistake and ruin him s...somehow."

"Why don't you just ask Grandpa Rick about it?" Summer asked.

"Because he'd never let me do anything in the l...lab again. He'd be crazy mad at me."

"Yeah," Summer said, holding her nails up so she could see them.

"I have to think about it some more," Morty said.

"If you do it without telling him you're just like him," Summer said.

A couple nights later Rick burst into his room, flask in hand and drooling. "Guess who just took a b...big dump with worms in it! Are you ready to go start some shit?"

"Rick, already?"

"Sobriety is ...ulp...overrated," Rick said. "Let's go, Morty. Just you, me, and Summer forever Morty."

Rick tripped over his own feet while he was making a portal. "That's right! Rick's back motherfuckers!"

Morty struggled in vain to get Rick to understand that not everyone had boundless, chemical enhanced energy, but Rick just belched and practically tossed him through the portal.

They landed in an alley near a county fair. "Best fair in the universe, Morty. L...l...let's go ride the Ferris w...w...wheel."

"Rick, I don't think..."

"I know you don't," Rick said. "Let's go."

As Rick pulled Morty along he knew he'd lost. Rick had made his decision, and it involved vodka and forgetfulness.

The alcohol had won.


End file.
